Skip to main content

When you're broken on the ground


You will be found
Today I found out a friend of mine that I care about a great deal was in a car accident.  Life has been a challenge for this friend. She is divorced, in school, dealing with children and life and loneliness several states away from her family.  I am the type that wants to run to the side of those in need and help in any way that I can, which is very frustrating when I am far away and cannot do anything. This time, it hurts even more, because, I was her. Alone and scared and frustrated and far from those who I love.  As I drove home, the words from Dear Evan Hansen struck me "Have you ever felt like nobody was there? Have you felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?  Have you ever felt like you could disappear?  Like you could fall and no one would hear?"
Yes, I have felt that.  I have felt the darkness come in around me.  I have read that JK Rowling based the idea of the dementors on her experience with depression, and I have to admit it is a precise definition for me.  I have felt many times that I could fall and no one would ever hear.
" Even when the dark comes crashing through, When you need a friend to carry you, And when you're broken on the ground."
I have an image seared in my brain of myself, lying broken on the ground.  In a small apartment in Chicago.  In the span of a short amount of time it felt like I had destroyed my career and lost my marriage and my purpose and everything I had worked on for years.  That feeling of despair and misery was so strong that I am not sure it will ever fully leave me. 
But, let's look at the next line of the song.  You will be found.  Sometimes that means a person.  And it is wonderful when it is someone who comes running, picks you up, and carries you.  I have a slightly different view of it.
I found me.  It was hard to do it alone.  It was hard to be alone.  It was tempting to just go and run to anyone who would be there to save me.  Somehow, I learned that sometimes, while I have friends and family who love me more than anything, I am the one who is going to help me at many points in my life.  I am the reason to believe I will be ok. I am the one who will come running to me.
"So let the sun come streaming in, Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again,  Lift your head and look around, You will be found."
You are a talented, fabulous, wonderful woman. You have been through more than you deserve.  But, you are not alone.  You will rise again.  You have so much ahead of you.  The beauty that you bring to this world will not be forgotten. The challenges you face make the beauty more poignant. Look around.  Find you.  You will rise again.  Of anyone I know, you have the ability to continue to rise and rise and rise.  Let that sun in.
"Out of the shadows, The morning is breaking,  And all is new, All is new. It's feeling awfully empty.
And suddenly I see, That all is new, All is new."
I am not who I was four years ago when I was laying broken on the ground.  Along the way, I was found by you.  I was found by other friends who helped me see that the pieces of me were still worthwhile.  Most of all, I was found by me.  I figured out that I would be ok.  I saw that my world may have felt empty, but what was before me was a new, beautiful path.
I cannot be there to physically come running as you reach out your hand. But I can say that "From across the silence, your voice is heard."
I love you.  Today hurts. Tomorrow will be better. You will be found. You are not alone.

Comments

  1. UnknownApril 13, 2017 at 6:51 AM

    Thank you Maren. You are an incredible woman, and I feel honored and blessed to call you friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. lauraJanuary 19, 2020 at 9:28 PM

    I WANT TO LET THE WORLD KNOW ABOUT THE MIGHTY SPELL CASTER DR OKEKE ODIN WHO HELPED ME BROUGHT BACK MY HUSBAND BACK HOME TO MY KIDS. I WAS MARRIED TO MY HUSBAND WILLIAM SCOTCH FOR SEVEN YEARS AND WE LIVED HAPPILY TOGETHER UNTIL A CERTAIN DAY HE JUST WOKE UP FROM SLEEP TO TELL ME THAT HE DOES NOT LOVE ME ANY MORE. AT FIRST I TAUGHT IT WAS A JOKE BUT WITH TIME I BECAME TO SEE THAT HE WAS SERIOUS.WE ALREADY HAVE TWO KIDS TOGETHER AND I WAS ALREADY PREGNANT FOR MY THIRD BABY. SO A DAY CAME WHEN HE JUST ARRANGED HIS BAGS AND SAID HE WAS LEAVING THE HOUSE FOR GOOD AND NOT LONGER INTERESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP. I FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER GIRL AND THEY BOTH TRAVELED OUT OF THE STATE. AS I WAS READING THROUGH THE INTERNET ABOUT DIVORCE, I READ ABOUT THIS GREAT SPELL CASTER DR OKEKE SO I CONTACTED HIM FOR HELP. HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY THAT IN JUST 48 HOURS, THAT MY HUSBAND WAS GOING TO COME BACK. I NEVER BELIEVED HIM UNTIL THE FOLLOWING DAY WHEN MY HUSBAND CAME TO THE HOUSE ASKING FOR MY FORGIVENESS. NOW WE ARE HAPPY TOGETHER WITH OUR KIDS AND THE EVIL WOMAN THAT CAUSE THE PROBLEM IN MY MARRIAGE WAS SENT AWAY BY MY HUSBAND. YOU CAN CONTACT DR OKEKE TODAY TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP REACH HIM ON HIS (writelovespell@gmail.com) or reach him on whatsAp on +2348140443360 HE IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER AND SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AND PREDICAMENTS HE CAN ALSO HELP WITH THE FOLLOWING PROBLEM
    1. DIVORCE SPELL
    2. HERPES CURE
    3. CANCER CURE
    4. PREGNANCY SPELL
    5. DIABETES CURE
    6. MARRIGE SPELL
    AND MANY MORE

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

24 Hours in San Francisco

I have ventured into San Francisco to participate in the conference for the American Theatre Critics Association #ATCA.   This is my first conference as a new member.  I have also been spending a lot of time hearing about the fact that I graduated from high school 20 years ago.  This causes me to reflect on my senior trip, to New York City, as a young Utahn who really knew very little about the world and even less about art and theatre, though I had well worn CDs and CD jackets of lyrics and felt myself to be an expert of epic proportions.  Of course, now I am older and wiser and see theatre all over, have been to many places all over the country, lived in two of the best theatre meccas in the United States, and can calmly and eloquently give my expert opinion. Ha! If you believed that last part, you have no clue who I really am.  Every time I come to a new place, I feel like that niave yet excited 18 year old who felt like a rebel stepping into a bar to find ...
1 comment
Read more

Dr. Maren

I took time off from blogging.  I am certain there were many people crying silently into their pillows because of the definite loss that they felt when they no longer read my writing on a semi-frequent basis.  I am offering my deepest apologies to all five of you.  I had to focus instead on the little matter of getting married, and also finishing my PhD.  One of those things was infinitely more difficult than the other. All of my life, well, at least since junior high school, I have harbored a dream of getting a doctorate degree.  I love school.  I love learning.  I love writing papers.  I know what an absolute nerd this makes me.  I don't really care. Life and difficulties all got in the way, and now, a few weeks before my 40th birthday, which happens to be tomorrow, I finally finished this goal that I told myself about when I was 12. Part of the reason I wanted to do this was because I learned that for many generations, women could not go...
1 comment
Read more