Once a year, this day comes around. It is when we are supposed to give thanks for our mothers. I have a wonderful mother who I love dearly. She has been supportive of every decision I have made. She has been active and proud of me. She watched my daughter while getting Chemo treatments. She is someone I will always strive to be like.
This day seems to also bring pain. I think of my dear friend who lost his mom too soon, and loved her more than words could say. He lost her around Mother's Day, so the day is a double whammy of pain and sadness and loss.
I think of another friend, who longed to be a mother, but it never happened. She hides out on Mother's Day, turns off all social media, and tries to do anything she can to get through the reminders of the pain of this day.
I think of another friend, whose mother had drug addiction and mental health issues and so many problems that she was never really the mother that this person needed. This person instead had to navigate life on her own.
I think of a woman I have worked with who told me that found her child after she was beaten and raped, and watched as the child slowly took her last breath. She then had to throw her in a river with all the other bodies. She picked up a small bag and left that place, and walked to a camp, where she lived for years before coming to the United States. She has other children and is a wonderful Mother, but she has severe pain from this loss and doesn't feel like she was a good enough mom, because she could not save her child.
As a divorced mom, I have had my share of pain. Missing out on important things because of work or my children being away from me. Having people say I work too much, and my children will suffer. Having people say I do not make enough money, and my children will suffer. Having people tell me I should hurry and marry, because my children need a strong male figure in their life. If I do not marry, my children will suffer. Having people tell me that I should never remarry, because I may choose a bad man, and then my children will suffer.
I have friends who suffer from depression, and then share and express guilt that everyone else seems so happy about motherhood, while they struggle to get out of bed. People who keep their house clean are judged that they do not spend enough time with their children. People who are messy are judged because their house isn't clean. Mom's who are judged because they are fat. Mom's who are judged because they are thin.
It goes on and on and on. It gives me a great deal of heartache. I know that I am doing the best that I can. I am not the best mother. I live firmly in the messy house camp. I have to send my daughters to ask other people when they want to know about anything crafty. I buy their birthday cakes from other people because I would not make an edible cake. I am just barely, after 10 years of practice, getting decent at doing their hair. After 38 years, I still can't do my own hair. But, I love my daughters. I take them places not because I am awesome, but because I enjoy going out, so I bring them along. I encourage them to be themselves, even if it means being surprised that one plays basketball at recess when I can barely spell basketball, and the other has the most interesting sense of fashion in the world.
With every situation, there is so much I do not understand. I do not know what it is like to lose your mother, because I thank God every day that I have not lost mine yet. But I can hug my friends that have and say "I am here for you." I do not know what it is like to want children and not have them. I do know what it is like to not want to get out of bed in the morning, but that doesn't mean I understand everything my friends who suffer similarly go through. I do not understand the challenges of being a stay at home parent, because that has not been my opportunity in life. But I can say I am sorry that these things are challenging for you, and be a listening ear. And I certainly cannot imagine the pain of watching a child take their last breath. But I can hug a person and say I love you.
I wish we could all listen and love and want to be there for one another. I wish we could be a little more kind and understanding. I wish we could remember our life path is only one life path. To my mom and the women that I love, Happy Mother's Day. To those who have struggled today, I see you. No one deserves to be forgotten. I don't know your specific pain, but I know it is real, and I am proud of every step you take.
This day seems to also bring pain. I think of my dear friend who lost his mom too soon, and loved her more than words could say. He lost her around Mother's Day, so the day is a double whammy of pain and sadness and loss.
I think of another friend, who longed to be a mother, but it never happened. She hides out on Mother's Day, turns off all social media, and tries to do anything she can to get through the reminders of the pain of this day.
I think of another friend, whose mother had drug addiction and mental health issues and so many problems that she was never really the mother that this person needed. This person instead had to navigate life on her own.
I think of a woman I have worked with who told me that found her child after she was beaten and raped, and watched as the child slowly took her last breath. She then had to throw her in a river with all the other bodies. She picked up a small bag and left that place, and walked to a camp, where she lived for years before coming to the United States. She has other children and is a wonderful Mother, but she has severe pain from this loss and doesn't feel like she was a good enough mom, because she could not save her child.
As a divorced mom, I have had my share of pain. Missing out on important things because of work or my children being away from me. Having people say I work too much, and my children will suffer. Having people say I do not make enough money, and my children will suffer. Having people tell me I should hurry and marry, because my children need a strong male figure in their life. If I do not marry, my children will suffer. Having people tell me that I should never remarry, because I may choose a bad man, and then my children will suffer.
I have friends who suffer from depression, and then share and express guilt that everyone else seems so happy about motherhood, while they struggle to get out of bed. People who keep their house clean are judged that they do not spend enough time with their children. People who are messy are judged because their house isn't clean. Mom's who are judged because they are fat. Mom's who are judged because they are thin.
It goes on and on and on. It gives me a great deal of heartache. I know that I am doing the best that I can. I am not the best mother. I live firmly in the messy house camp. I have to send my daughters to ask other people when they want to know about anything crafty. I buy their birthday cakes from other people because I would not make an edible cake. I am just barely, after 10 years of practice, getting decent at doing their hair. After 38 years, I still can't do my own hair. But, I love my daughters. I take them places not because I am awesome, but because I enjoy going out, so I bring them along. I encourage them to be themselves, even if it means being surprised that one plays basketball at recess when I can barely spell basketball, and the other has the most interesting sense of fashion in the world.
With every situation, there is so much I do not understand. I do not know what it is like to lose your mother, because I thank God every day that I have not lost mine yet. But I can hug my friends that have and say "I am here for you." I do not know what it is like to want children and not have them. I do know what it is like to not want to get out of bed in the morning, but that doesn't mean I understand everything my friends who suffer similarly go through. I do not understand the challenges of being a stay at home parent, because that has not been my opportunity in life. But I can say I am sorry that these things are challenging for you, and be a listening ear. And I certainly cannot imagine the pain of watching a child take their last breath. But I can hug a person and say I love you.
I wish we could all listen and love and want to be there for one another. I wish we could be a little more kind and understanding. I wish we could remember our life path is only one life path. To my mom and the women that I love, Happy Mother's Day. To those who have struggled today, I see you. No one deserves to be forgotten. I don't know your specific pain, but I know it is real, and I am proud of every step you take.
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