What follows is completely my opinion. I am often frustrated with people who describe something as the only way to do things. Look, I barely function in my own life. I have no way of ever telling anyone that my way is better than theirs, or that I know more than they do. However, I have been specifically requested to write about this from a few different people.
People want to know how I find out about the activities that I do with my kids. They also want to know how I have the energy and such to do these things with the kids. I have even been asked why these things seem to be such a priority for me.
Well, after my divorce, I sat my young daughters down. And they were very young. However, life would be different now. They would live in two separate houses. They would experience things different than their friends. Also, money would be different. Now, to this day I do not know if what I did was right or wrong, but it seemed to work. We had a conversation about money, where it goes, what it is for, and why we have to work to earn it. I helped them see that I am blessed to make enough money pay the bills and save a little. I explained what emergencies were and how sometimes an emergency means we give up something like going to a movie or going out to dinner or even bigger things because the finances go elsewhere.
And then I had a talk with them that turned into our family motto. Experiences, not things. Now, this is not to say we do not have things. We have clothes and toys and games and such, but the point was I talked to them about the things they like to do, what costs money, what doesn't, and the concept of value. For instance, my youngest asked for an expensive toy that was popular at the time. So I explained the toy that she wanted was 60 dollars. Then we talked about what else could be done with 60 dollars. She go to 6 movies. She could go to two or three community theatre productions. She could eat out at a nice restaurant. She could save to buy something at a place we traveled. She could fill the car with gas 3 times and we could drive 900 miles away.
The point of this was to say when it comes time to spend surplus money or time, do we want experiences, or things? Do we want the 60 dollar toy, or 6 movies? The girls both agreed that the decision would be experiences. And so we also had a talk about how mom can't afford fancy experiences every day. We began a coin jar to save for experiences. We began a family quest to find free or inexpensive experiences. The girls would bring home fliers from school. I joined mailing lists at libraries and parks and organizations and anything else I could find. We learned to google things like "free fun things for kids in Salt Lake" or where ever else we might be visiting. We googled "fun things to do outside" and "fun summer activities". We made lists of places we wanted to go and things we wanted to do. We hung a map of the US in our house and put pictures of all the places we visited. We learned how to sit in a car for ten hours so we could drive and see things. We learned to pack a cooler so we could save money on food.
How do I have the energy? I don't. Plain and simple. My house is a mess because I don't clean enough. On the nights my children are with their dad, sometimes I am in bed by 7pm if I am not working. Sometimes we make plans and they fall through because I am too tired to do it. It is not a perfect situation. But is one I love and cherish. I feel that building memories is helping my children. I feel like I am enjoying my time with them and that it does fight my very real depression. I feel like this is something I can do since being a PTA mom or classroom volunteer is something I can't do while also being the breadwinner.
We don't have a lot of things. My children dress mostly in second hand clothes. We don't have fancy furniture. I don't have fancy clothes or fancy jewelry. We don't go on lavish, expensive trips to Hawaii or stay in fancy hotels. We camp and couch surf and pack lunches. We look for discounts and I write play reviews and work extra jobs and earn extra money to have experiences. We find free festivals and volunteer opportunities and story times and other activities.
Sometimes we disagree. Sometimes one or both of the girls want the "thing". But we also have the conversation about what getting the thing means, and what it will cost, and what we will have to give up, because we just cannot have it all.
I got it from my mother. I remember one summer, we were not going to go on a vacation, for whatever reason. So she found everything within a few hours drive, and she took us. I saw Promontory Point and This is the Place Monument and Dinosaur National Park and every museum that summer. I saw a mom who wanted me to learn and grow and experience this world. I wanted to continue to learn and grow. I want my children to learn and grow.
So if it is something that interests you, get involved. Look up the website of your city and find out events that are happening. Go to your local library and ask for a list of events. Google "museums near me". Find out if your community has a band or a choir or a theatre. Find out if there are diversity festivals. In Salt Lake, where I work, there are festivals all summer. I am particularly excited for World Refugee Day July 15th in Liberty Park in Salt Lake.
And don't believe that because people do something, they are perfect or they have it all together or they have more energy than you. I choose to be quite active with my girls, taking them out and doing things. Doing that means some other things have to give. I am not superwoman. I am certain I am failing in areas where others succeed. I can say though, for my family, experiences not things has been a good motto.
People want to know how I find out about the activities that I do with my kids. They also want to know how I have the energy and such to do these things with the kids. I have even been asked why these things seem to be such a priority for me.
Well, after my divorce, I sat my young daughters down. And they were very young. However, life would be different now. They would live in two separate houses. They would experience things different than their friends. Also, money would be different. Now, to this day I do not know if what I did was right or wrong, but it seemed to work. We had a conversation about money, where it goes, what it is for, and why we have to work to earn it. I helped them see that I am blessed to make enough money pay the bills and save a little. I explained what emergencies were and how sometimes an emergency means we give up something like going to a movie or going out to dinner or even bigger things because the finances go elsewhere.
And then I had a talk with them that turned into our family motto. Experiences, not things. Now, this is not to say we do not have things. We have clothes and toys and games and such, but the point was I talked to them about the things they like to do, what costs money, what doesn't, and the concept of value. For instance, my youngest asked for an expensive toy that was popular at the time. So I explained the toy that she wanted was 60 dollars. Then we talked about what else could be done with 60 dollars. She go to 6 movies. She could go to two or three community theatre productions. She could eat out at a nice restaurant. She could save to buy something at a place we traveled. She could fill the car with gas 3 times and we could drive 900 miles away.
The point of this was to say when it comes time to spend surplus money or time, do we want experiences, or things? Do we want the 60 dollar toy, or 6 movies? The girls both agreed that the decision would be experiences. And so we also had a talk about how mom can't afford fancy experiences every day. We began a coin jar to save for experiences. We began a family quest to find free or inexpensive experiences. The girls would bring home fliers from school. I joined mailing lists at libraries and parks and organizations and anything else I could find. We learned to google things like "free fun things for kids in Salt Lake" or where ever else we might be visiting. We googled "fun things to do outside" and "fun summer activities". We made lists of places we wanted to go and things we wanted to do. We hung a map of the US in our house and put pictures of all the places we visited. We learned how to sit in a car for ten hours so we could drive and see things. We learned to pack a cooler so we could save money on food.
How do I have the energy? I don't. Plain and simple. My house is a mess because I don't clean enough. On the nights my children are with their dad, sometimes I am in bed by 7pm if I am not working. Sometimes we make plans and they fall through because I am too tired to do it. It is not a perfect situation. But is one I love and cherish. I feel that building memories is helping my children. I feel like I am enjoying my time with them and that it does fight my very real depression. I feel like this is something I can do since being a PTA mom or classroom volunteer is something I can't do while also being the breadwinner.
We don't have a lot of things. My children dress mostly in second hand clothes. We don't have fancy furniture. I don't have fancy clothes or fancy jewelry. We don't go on lavish, expensive trips to Hawaii or stay in fancy hotels. We camp and couch surf and pack lunches. We look for discounts and I write play reviews and work extra jobs and earn extra money to have experiences. We find free festivals and volunteer opportunities and story times and other activities.
Sometimes we disagree. Sometimes one or both of the girls want the "thing". But we also have the conversation about what getting the thing means, and what it will cost, and what we will have to give up, because we just cannot have it all.
I got it from my mother. I remember one summer, we were not going to go on a vacation, for whatever reason. So she found everything within a few hours drive, and she took us. I saw Promontory Point and This is the Place Monument and Dinosaur National Park and every museum that summer. I saw a mom who wanted me to learn and grow and experience this world. I wanted to continue to learn and grow. I want my children to learn and grow.
So if it is something that interests you, get involved. Look up the website of your city and find out events that are happening. Go to your local library and ask for a list of events. Google "museums near me". Find out if your community has a band or a choir or a theatre. Find out if there are diversity festivals. In Salt Lake, where I work, there are festivals all summer. I am particularly excited for World Refugee Day July 15th in Liberty Park in Salt Lake.
And don't believe that because people do something, they are perfect or they have it all together or they have more energy than you. I choose to be quite active with my girls, taking them out and doing things. Doing that means some other things have to give. I am not superwoman. I am certain I am failing in areas where others succeed. I can say though, for my family, experiences not things has been a good motto.
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